Nighttime Hosts Take Aim At Trump's New 'Gold Card' Immigration Program

Late-night's leading entertainers devoted the evening mocking ex-President Donald Trump's recently launched visa initiative, called the "gold card," portraying it as a obvious cash-for-residency system for the wealthy.

The Late Show's Pointed Spin

Opening his program, Stephen Colbert offered a mock holiday tune targeting the commander-in-chief. "He is making a list, checking it twice, before giving that list to the people at ICE," he crooned. "The President ... spoils everything he handles."

The subject was the controversial initiative which allows foreign nationals to buy U.S. legal status for the price of a million dollars, with a "top-tier" tier for five million. An official page pledges approval "with unprecedented speed."

"One thought for you to rich foreigners: prior to you fork over the cash, what about Canada?" Colbert joked.

He noted that the program is also designed to "squeeze cash" from companies wanting to hire foreign workers, involving large payments. "That's a lot of fees, however if you enroll, you additionally get free accommodation at a property of your selection – as long as it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he continued.

"The best vetting the U.S. government has ever done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to make sure these people truly are eligible to be in America."

"That is important, you gotta prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "Question one: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Critique

On his own program, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the initiative the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"This is a card that will permit rich international individuals to live here," he said. "For a million dollars, you get official visitor status, you get a road to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one significant crime of your choice."

"It might be time to update that message on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your huddled masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel teased the lack of detail of the application, noting it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."

"Exactly, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "It's what Jesus always said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you pay the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Economic Struggles

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's slipping approval ratings amid financial concerns. "People gave Donald Trump a second term since they were upset about the economy," he said.

This week, in a bid to discuss prices, Trump conducted a briefing in front of a selection of food items, and reacted strangely to some cereal.

"These look great, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a while."

"He's so fucking weird," Meyers said. "What do you mean, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by mocking conservative news arguments of Trump's financial record. "Maybe instead of complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy similar to the one FIFA did," he joked.